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yeah and so let's welcome Anita who is a


programmer and a psychologist so nice


combination


yeah that's exactly why I'm here


hello everyone


so let me start


perhaps you all heard about five stages


of grief it's a pretty handy model it's


commonly known and it goes pretty much


like this at first there is a denial


then it's followed by anger then usually


there is a phase of bargaining


uh it goes smoothly to the depression


phase or just sadness and ends with


acceptance of the new situation


and why I even talk about this because


we all go through losses basically every


single day


and if you're surprised with this


information now let's think about


something that might happen to any of us


on any given week let's say imagine you


wake up on a Saturday morning very late


morning around noon


and you realize that in two hours we


need to be at the family lunch


and this family lunch is actually your


mom's birthday party and you forgot to


buy her a gift


so you have two hours to actually make


it work so you rush you rush from home


you get into your car you go to the


nearest shopping center


and it's a Saturday early afternoon so


obviously it's super packed you cannot


find any parking spot you go around and


you pretty much at first your reaction


probably would be like no no no no no no


it cannot be happening to me I really


need to do it denial then you very


quickly probably would get super angry


why these stupid people need to be here


now like I really need to go there


then you start bargaining maybe if I go


around a couple of times someone would


leave and I can find my parking spot


usually it never happens so you just


enter the sadness and depression mode


with some catastrophic thoughts I'm


going to be late my mom is going to hate


me I'm such a disaster in life but


a few moments pass and you just accept


the situation perhaps you leave the


parking place


go outside and it's like okay I will


just walk this extra 200 meters and I


will be 10 minutes late no biggie


um because you see a loss doesn't have


to be physical a loss is actually


anything it can be a loss of something


pleasant that you planned it can be


anything that you anticipated it can be


a loss of opportunity it can be a loss


of comfort


and every single time we go through any


sort of loss we go through all of the


Cycles they can last just a second but


sometimes they last much longer


so think about something that you


probably all do daily or at least weekly


code reviews


and the code review that you are


requested to do looks like this


what are your thoughts what's your


thinking process when you see something


like that


that's one of the answers but before you


do that wouldn't you go through all the


stages of like no no I really don't want


to do that why people even do that to me


and then you accept it and at the end it


can be a LG TV yeah happens


um


and during the process let's say you


want to do it right you perhaps even go


for the cycle of denial aggression


sadness over and over again until you


get it done


and it's an emotional roller coaster and


it always happens


and how about when you're requested to


build a new feature you see a feature


requirement


and you pretty much are in a panic mode


and for the product person it's like how


hard can it be it's just a button


and again you pretty much would go for


similar faces because this is a loss of


comfort


and comfort is very important for us we


build these boxes of comfort


and this is very good for us because


once we build it we can automate certain


behaviors certain processes uh pretty


much everything is known to us it means


comfort


and getting out of this comfort zone


well it's uncomfortable


but because of this comfort and


automation of the other things you can


focus on what actually matters what's


important and for


99 maybe even 100 programmers the most


important thing is writing clean code


code is the most important thing right


but our work is not about code


so do you have any ideas what our work


could actually be about


you're close any other ideas


speak up


yes you're very very close as well


our work is actually about bringing


business value


and business value


almost hundred percent of the time


equals bringing money and as depressing


as it might sound to some of you nobody


cares about code or Tech in business


absolutely nobody they want to solve


problems


and we live in a dynamic world and for


companies it means that they need to


adapt to things very very quickly they


need to ship features to maintain


current users they need to improve the


user the features to actually attract


new ones for example business needs to


adapt constantly


sometimes not only based on features but


for example there needs to be like a


pivot in the business model sometimes it


means that entire application or set of


applications needs to be completely


scraped removed we start something new


and


sometimes because of that we are asked


to deliver things just like fast and


dirty and then iterate over that adding


this complexity of features and then


again scrape everything and perhaps


start from scratch that's just life


everything happens in Cycles


and it can be super demotivating because


it every single time this happens it


breaks our comfort box


but let's get back to the code


we usually don't feel


this much emotional roller coaster or


such resistance when it comes to


refactoring code


this is pretty regular task for us


um we iterate over things we refactor we


apply any patterns beautiful things


people get excited like programmers get


excited about this kind of things and we


even refactor our own code over time


seeing that how things could be done


better now because we got more knowledge


we got more experience we just know


better now and usually we say that's an


opportunity to grow we are not denying


that needs to happen


and then why business changes are so


scary to ask if you are so used to


getting and working in Cycles


uh I think there are a few reasons the


first one is uh that there is difference


of scale and time invested over this


so when you think about finding a


parking spot you are investing this for


like a minute or two so you also forgot


relatively quickly about this roller


coaster every single stage just lasted


for a few seconds maybe minutes stops


um when we iterate over code then again


the cycle maybe it's not that uh it's


not that long


uh but if you're invested in a project


that you were just like building over


and over and over as a whole for a year


or two or maybe more this is a very


different attachment that you got to it


this is your comfort box you know


everything ins and outs of this project


um then there's our personal differences


because we all are different as humans


and it's based on our temperament and


character some of us might adapt to


changes super quickly nothing really


matters I'm easy I will just go with


whatever happens some might get more


difficulties getting used to that


and bad news is as I mentioned this is


our temperament character so it means


it's mainly biological


there is not really that much we can do


about it we need to deal with it however


a big chunk of this which is comes with


our character is a behavioral which


means it can be exercised if we go over


and over similar situations we get used


to them way quicker


uh yeah


so let's get back to this griefing model


again


why do I even talk about this this model


was created in 1969 by Dr Elizabeth


cobbler Ross and it was created based on


working with patients dealing with


terminal terminal illnesses later on it


was reviewed and some more elements were


added


it was a base to create then a change


curve it's a model that's used to it's a


model to use to explain a typical


response of people to a change in an


organization


because absolutely each change even the


best one means losing something


and because each loss


means that we need to adapt to the new


situation


this is how this model looks like At


first there is shock followed by a


denial this looks around the same then


there is anger phase usually as a


frustration followed by its uncertainty


and confusion


the main difference is what happens


after


people start dealing with their


situation and perhaps start to


experiment they need to see what this


act what this change actually means to


them if the experiment goes relatively


well they say okay I decide to go with


it and then they usually integrate this


new situation and carry on


please note an important detail here how


it affects motivation over time


this is time and this is motivation


it drops


but then it rises again


and node number two the lines start


before the graph


and I did something funny


okay we are back


so the line starts over here and ends


outside of the slide what does it


actually mean


it means that it's a never-ending


process we finish at one stage and then


we start again


it might be years it may be days but we


will go and we'll start with certain


level of motivation over time


and because all of this happens over and


over again in Cycles there's there's an


alternative title to my talk


eat sleep cows repeat everything happens


like that sometimes less or more more


chaotic but it happens in Cycles


and perhaps now is a good time to give


you a bit more context while I talk to


you about these things


as it was already mentioned uh I started


in it like 10 years ago for like around


eight years I used it as a backend I


used to work as a backender then two


years ago I joined a company called job


and talent and after a year I decided to


go into the managerial path so now I'm


an engineering manager and I currently


manage two teams I also started a


master's degree in Psychology like three


years ago and I'm about to finish it


this semester so please keep your


fingers crossed from Master Texas


and


what I'm about to show you more here is


pretty much based on my experience


guiding my team


and to give you some context about what


we are dealing with as I mentioned I


used to I used I started as a programmer


and then I actually was a team lead and


then engineering manager of two teams it


means that over the two years the


company went through a lot of changes


and a lot of crucial projects to give


you context the revenue of a company is


like two and a half billion euros a year


it's a massive scale and there is a lot


of business everywhere affecting


everything we do


um


and let me state it this way Tech is


Easy Tech is predictable and Tech is


very rational this is really the easy


part but Tech is built by people and


people are not easy at all people are


very often not predictable and people


are definitely not rational


we all are different perhaps as


different as all the Sesame Street


characters but we all go through the


same things like in the grief model but


we just react to the things differently


we are driven by biology and you can


spark cows a lot of cows


but getting back to this change curve


this is the original one


please know that if we start from a high


note regarding our motivation even at


the lowest point when the change happens


we still have room to continue and be


relatively enthusiastic about what we do


about work company project you name it


no issues here whatsoever


but this typically and this typically


happens when we start a new organization


as a new job and it's very much like


starting a new relationship romantic


relationship we are hyped everything is


amazing our new partner is amazing life


is wonderful world is beautiful no


doubts here


but when we already are a bit stagnated


our lowest point can lead to nothing for


a moment because our motivation can be


almost at zero for a moment and until we


get over this yellow Tipping Point of


confusion uncertainty and get into this


integration raising our motivation again


we are in this


state of nothingness that's quite


unpleasant


but what if it doesn't happen what if we


are sort of stuck in the yellow bubble


or if we don't have enough time to have


our motivation go up again


because uh again if we make it happen we


have our motivation up there we start


building our comfort box we can put like


our furniture there and like make it a


home but what happens when another


change another big change that affects


us happens again before we do that


we pretty much start our very low point


and our motivation at the lowest can be


negative so we are distractors we are


not motivated at all


we are not productive


and we don't know what's happening to us


everyone around us and we don't like it


and it feels really shitty that's not


sugar coated this is a very bad and very


unpleasant emotional state


and on top of that we are not productive


so we don't have this constant kicks of


dopamine in our brains when we actually


achieve something even small


and dopamine is a very very nice hormone


that makes us uh makes us feel like


kings and queens of the world it's this


amazing feeling that when you actually


find this annoying bug that was bugging


you all day long you fix it and then


you're like I did it I'm amazing


everything is great again for a minute


or five maybe an hour but it's important


for our brains to get it regularly


and in the scenario there's none of that


and unfortunately I was there


my internal motivation was basically


non-existent I felt really confused and


Powerless I also saw that people in my


team were affected by the changes around


I felt very responsible for them so I


decided to do what any psychology nerd


would do which is research


I started looking into a lot of papers


and like books regarding motivation


themes changes anything that really


could help me understand what we are


going through and how perhaps to make it


better


a big part of it was the strange curve


that I already showed you and


acknowledging the fact that this curve


is normal we feel these emotions and


this is absolutely normal everyone goes


through that you it can be sometimes


longer or shorter people go at it in a


different pace but everyone goes through


the stages


and I know that to a rational brain it


might sound like a new age nonsense to


you but acknowledging an emotion like


really agreeing with it and just


noticing like I see you you're here


welcome really makes it disappear way


faster way way faster


okay so we know what we feel


uh that is on a curve and that this is


normal we might even start feeling


better because of acknowledging that


what's next


and then there's lipid Noster model for


managing complex change to the rescue


according to this model there are five


elements needed to all go seamlessly for


a complex change at organization meaning


this change curve can be flatter much


flatter


meaning less unpleasant


so there is vision


their skills there is motivation


resources and an action plan


done right


we successfully delivered a really bad


big project in a very changing


environment obviously the model doesn't


help by itself but its authors actually


made a really good thing with this they


created a matrix of emotions that


correspond to each missing element in


this model


so when there is no vision people


usually feel confused when there is no


skills or not enough skills there's


anxiety


when there's no motivation there's a lot


of resistance


when there is not enough resources we


feel frustrated


and if there is no action plan it leads


to a false start not really an emotion


but I will get to that


and the original Matrix looks like this


and please note that this can be read as


a mathematical equation and the missing


element can be an X that means that we


can base on the emotion we experience we


can get the missing element and name it


because of that we can understand what's


missing and fix it


so you can be a very big help to


yourself and to your colleagues and


pretty much everyone around involved in


a project by naming what you feel name


it seriously don't be afraid of it


once yet because once you identify it


you can fix it


so let's say you're confused it means


that you either don't understand the


vision or you don't know the vision at


this stage it's crucial to ask questions


uh you probably are not the one who can


answer them but there should be people


around you who can any sort of manager


at this situation should be your person


to go


uh it could be your direct manager it


can be a product manager uh just start


asking around this is very important for


everyone to understand why we are doing


things


because as a deaf you're not only


entitled to ask questions to business


you're encouraged to


because answering these questions is


also an excellent way to show others


where are the issues maybe show Blind


Spot maybe show like something is


missing really


and by asking questions you can also


support your colleagues because all of


us probably were in a situation that


there's like something new being


presented and there's like are there any


questions


violence silence nobody speaks up and


then one person asks a question or


shares something and then


a full conversation starts this is what


happens when people start speaking up


what just one person is needed to start


this


and to start this domino effect that can


actually bring a positive change to


everyone around in your team


when you feel anxious you probably don't


have enough skills or you don't feel


like you have enough skills


and please mind that an imposter


syndrome is a real thing it might be not


about your skills it might be about your


confidence


statistically more women experience that


but I also saw men in that position


so be mindful of that


perhaps it's best to ask for feedback


from your colleagues usually there is no


issues there


so either way the best thing to do again


is communicate your things because on


top of


let's say you really don't know


something you miss a very specific


important skill


um it's ugly comforting for everyone


around in a difficult situation for


someone to speak up and say I don't know


I don't know how to do it


and if you're a junior developer this is


sort of expected nobody would even blink


an eye but if you're a senior you might


think this actually going to ruin your


reputation actually usually the opposite


happens


uh the more senior you are


the more respect and kind of like street


cred you can get by saying this


because there is no single person in


this world that knows everything and we


Instinct instinctively know that but we


rarely get reminders of it it's a matter


of an ego saying something saying I


don't know the more senior you are the


more comfort you can actually bring to


the team


and remember Dan is better than perfect


even if you don't have like a hundred


percent of a skill but you know how to


sort of deliver it that's usually good


enough


don't overthink it


and regarding motivation and the


resistance that comes with lack of it


it's an interesting one


because


according to this curve of change let's


say you're already at a very low


motivation point


but there are two types of motivation


one is internal and the other one is


external internal one is this great


sweet spot for us to be we just do


things because they feel amazing and we


really want to do them


no questions asked we just do it for


ourselves


but the external one needs some


incentives like for example money


Prestige cookies and nice coffee I don't


know whatever works for you


and direct


external incentives are pretty rare in


our work because we don't get a bonus


when a project gets finished on time


that's usually how it goes


and we sort of need that we can hack our


brains actually we can create our


external incentives for ourselves and


get reminded of them every single day


because of that we can spark our


dopamine kicks in our brain and actually


start feeling more motivated internally


because of that but you need to create


that incentives list for yourself


and set a list of incentives it's best


to write it on using pen and paper


uh there are a lot of studies uh showing


that handwriting versus typing actually


uses very different parts of our brain


handwriting is great for sparking


creativity problem solving and it


actually increases our memory


so it's best to use pen and paper maybe


on a sticky note post it put it on your


screen and look at it every single day


and your incentives might be very big


like for example


if we finish this project there will be


less support requests so I will spend


time uh answering questions to these


annoying people who just keep asking the


same thing or I don't know don't know


how to use anything


or it can be if I learn this new


technology then perhaps I can be


promoted to an architect position and


when I get at architect position I will


get a salary raise amazing right but it


also can be super small


uh for example if I finish this task I


will order pizza and play my favorite


video game that also works this also


like this rewarding ourselves


remembering why we do it why is it worth


to stick to things


can hack our brain into getting a bit of


dopamine at this point


and the resource resources and the


frustration that causes them


this is one that's actually pretty easy


to communicate and actually pretty easy


to solve because resources can be


anything that you lack to do your work


and it can be a piece of software to


make your life easier it can be a


comfortable chair


but very often it's time time is also


resource and the time can be literally


time but also for example you need more


people in your team to deliver a project


and that's why estimating tasks is super


important and can be used as a


communication tool in that matter


and on top of that the estimation is


pretty much the only communication form


I could think of that doesn't include


forming full sentences and speaking


about emotion so if you're not


comfortable with that use this instead


uh


and estimates are great because they're


understood by business very very well


and they can take actions on them


if for example you estimate something to


take x amount of time the business can


decide that okay it's a bit long we need


to change the scope of this project it's


not feasible this way


or maybe we need to change our hiring


plan and actually get more developers on


board because we want to do big things


and we need more hands


or maybe there will even rethink the


entire project because on a certain


timeline doesn't make sense


and speaking about timelines this


happens very very very often for


business estimates are very often


deadlines because business operates on


timelines dates dates datelines uh


deadlines whatever that is a very


accurate point of time when they can put


a money number on top this happens we


can we have to deal with that


and in order to understand why is it


important you can think about a very


different situation when you're for


example at the end on the other end of


such a similar situation because any IT


project is not different from a non-it


project for example building a house of


flats a block of floods well I don't


know what I say


uh so yeah you got an apartment for


yourself and you usually do that such an


operation like a year ahead or like a


few months ahead perhaps you need to


sell your old place perhaps you need to


hire a construction crew maybe an


architect designer whatever you name it


uh before this morning time and that


moving in date you need to plan an


entire timeline of things people


projects that need to happen and


obviously they also need to be planned


in advance


so when your apartment is not ready at


the time


multiple projects multiple plans and


multiple people are involved and the


plans fall apart for all of them this is


the impact of not delivering on time


obviously


uh life is life and things almost never


happen on time


but it's way better even for you


buying that apartment it would be way


more convenient to know that instead of


four months from now you would get your


apartment seven months from now but you


would get it seven months from now


that's why when you estimate things add


a lot of padding


estimate something double it maybe


triple it if needed


uh makes a number that's comfortable


with you for you for your team for your


skill set for anything it's way better


to deliver things


on time even six months from now then


over and over prolonging the data making


a lot of people in a lot of projects and


with more complexity there's like more


people and more products involved that


depend perhaps on that


so yeah the last one uh fall start is


not an emotion but it's a situation that


once you're in it you probably know it


and you'll know it because you don't


know pretty much we don't know how to


start


and perhaps I will not surprise you


again if I say again speak up ask


questions and talk with your teammates


uh I would encourage you not to hate all


of the meetings


for meeting is absolutely necessary for


building an action plan really sit down


get a focused time of like an hour or


two of work and build an action plan


and a good action plan defines your goal


lists all the necessary tasks or at


least an outline of tasks identifies


critical ones and then there is like


assignment of tasks and then


iterating over that plan


this is pretty much what happens or


should happen during Sprint planning and


then daily is like an iteration of this


action plan


but you don't necessarily have to stick


to just your team action plan you can


build an action plan for yourself and


then it's also super super handy


uh again I encourage you to uh do it


with pen and paper because it works way


better for our brains


but especially if you have a larger


feature to develop and perhaps you're by


yourself or maybe just like with another


person pairing up do the action plan for


this particular big thing that sounds a


little scary perhaps at the moment it


might really help you


and I will make a small digression here


uh when I mean communication when I say


communication when I say questions I


obviously don't mean anything like what


Elmo says here


uh this is technically communication but


obviously not a very good one


and communication is a really really


large topic


um there could be a separate talk about


this and again it will be only on the


surface there are books lectures courses


you name it it's a really really vast


area


but uh there are three tips that you can


remember and start using in case you


really don't know how to start and you


would like to start speak up


first one is the I statements so saying


something like they usually start with


an i because it's about me I don't feel


comfortable with this estimation


period that's a very good form of


communication


then questions unless they're passive


aggressive you really can't go with


questions


they're seriously it's really hard to


ruin a conversation with a question


so use that tool ask questions and let


if you don't understand something ask


questions always always and always


and then the third one is quite big it


might need some more practice but when


you communicate especially with business


but it works for everyone focus on risks


and perhaps even propose a solution so


it could go something like that


if we don't Implement X now there is a


risk of losing data in the future


person a is an expert in this matter and


he would need around a week to have it


implemented


done


business might have like some follow-up


questions but


if you work with decent people nobody


would say like a hard note to you to


that conversation


and the good thing is is that it's not


only about business and what about what


we do this uh things about communication


can be also used in our personal lives


imagine such a situation


your girlfriend wants you to go to a


shopping mall again uh doing shopping


look for clothes like I don't know any


single man who likes doing that so this


is a very good example


instead of just like being defensive and


saying you suck and everything is


terrible like Elmo don't be Elmo


uh you can say something like I am very


tired I feel very tired why do you need


me there what's my value there maybe you


can go along and I will meet you there


later at the movies and we can go back


home together


probably any rational person wouldn't


start a fight right after


hearing such a thing perhaps I don't I


don't put any guarantees on that


so a tldr version of all this


emotional roller coaster when facing any


type of changes absolutely normal


business is business we have to deal


with it


by acknowledging and naming your


emotional state you can identify what's


wrong and then fix it


and communicate communicate communicate


always there is not enough Communication


in this world


and in case everything falls apart you


really don't know what to do everything


is terrible


Keep Calm at carry on because it's just


a job


[Applause]


on one of the last slides there was this


about focus on risks and solutions and I


just like realized that often that I


give the review I'm using like I am


afraid that something will happen which


is basically the same but I assume that


saying there is a risk that something


will happen is at least more


professional but maybe there are some


other like I don't know phrases like


avoid these five phrases when you are


doing your code review or something like


that so


often way there is something


um it's one of the most common


psychological mistakes we do when


something happens to us we attribute


things to external circum circumstances


so I didn't deliver this thing because


my cat was sick my I don't know whatever


I didn't have this this and that it's


not my fault it's because of something


else but when something else happens to


your colleague and this person for


example doesn't deliver on time and you


depend on it you probably would think


things about that person instead of the


situation that that person was in this


probably would be my first uh my first


note


I cannot think of like five things from


the top of my head uh but this would be


the I think this one this one really


helps in life and if you


if you talk about your emotion use the I


statement and then talk about risk in a


separate part of a conversation because


sometimes talking about emotion is


important but as you mentioned it's not


necessarily professional at least not in


all of the uh aspects of business


thanks uh first of all thank you for


your talk really nice talk


um I have a question because I really


like this Matrix equation and I find it


pretty useful


however I haven't won I have one concern


because it's sometimes really hard to


identify the feelings actually how to


distinguish for example anxiety from


frustration and so on I used to be an em


and I had this problem because those


emotions are pretty elusive so you you


cannot actually actually


identify it well on one-on-ones with


your team so maybe you have some hints


how to do this and how to properly


identify and distinguish those emotions


this is again a really really big


question uh but I can give you some


hints emotions are not necessarily what


we think and what's in our head but very


very often we feel them in our bodies so


for example anxiety is kind of like this


nervousness over here anger is very


often in our hands


uh frustration is more like a belly area


for example uh it's obviously like a


different person to person but this can


be like a first biological cue to kind


of like


when you think about this project what


does it hurt like where where does it


hurt is your belly is it like you want


to smash something or you like feel like


your heart is about to like I don't know


explode or kind of like here this might


be helpful okay thank you


I'm not really a question but a thank


you for you because I feel like you


exactly decide


um


what is frustration


I was thinking that for me for example


this model that you presented would be


helpful because it's a resource and I


can use when I feel this way or that way


so thank you for reducing my future


frustrations you're welcome I'm glad I


could help


okay thank you all very very much


thank you